


To hear your voice

by lokinada



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, What-If, misunderstanding leading to disaster, selectively mute Rajesh Koothrappali
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:42:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokinada/pseuds/lokinada
Summary: What if penny was the one who helped Raj get rid of his selective mutism ? What Could Go Wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

 

>  
> 
> _Sometimes she would feel guilty for being mad or rude at him ,it is not like he is doing this on purpose or even trying to mock her ,and god knows she knew how_ _much this hurts him , not being able to do the simplest yet basic social thing ...Talking to her !_
> 
>  
> 
> _Other times she found herself wishing it for Howard or Sheldon ,and she wonders what difference does it make ? why doesn't she feel the same guilt ! Howard could_ _be a creepy little guy yeah but deep down he is nice and kind ,she knows that ,in fact she doesn't find the idea of a thirty something adult man still living with his_ _mother strange or pathetic at all , not in Howard's case at least! it just shows how much he loves and cares for his mother not wanting to leave her alone at this age ._ _But if he just stop saying all this weird stuff every time he sees her she would definitely stop wishing him that !_
> 
>   
>  _When it comes to Sheldon ,she can't even think of any right words to begin with ! the most acceptable one is that he is a child in a man body / a chatty genius who_ _thinks that his hundredths of 'fun facts' are actually fun but the truth is they are really NOT , and don't make her start on his quirks and the way he 'innocently'_ _insults her but she loves this dork with all her heart and she will never have it in her , the ability to even slightly hurt him , so wishing it upon him when he is_ _obnoxiously annoying is the only thing she can do ._
> 
>  
> 
> _But with Raj, for her he is just this silent shy guy whom she could render silent just by her presence !_
> 
> _She is intrigued by him that is a fact she is willing to admit and who wouldn't be ?! how many times she just stood in front of their apartment's door stopping herself_ _from getting in just because she can hear him talk or laugh and she knows that the moment she opens that door he would just swallow the rest of his sentence and_ _no matter how many times this happened she still feel this strange sting in her heart and it only gets stronger when she asks him the usual question "oh sweetie,_ _you still can't talk to me ?" the rest sometimes think she is just teasing him by repeating that question every time she sees him ,even Leonard talked to her about it_ _once before ,when there was no one around ,she didn't know what to tell him ,should she tell him the truth ? that she just wants to hear him talking to her ,that she_ _is jealous that they can talk to him ! that they could hear him laugh and she doesn't! that it hurts her that all the answer she gets every time is that pained look in his_ _face and less of a second eye contact before he starts to look at anyone but her .._
> 
> _But she can't say that , can she ? , cause they'll just assume that there is something_ _going on between the two of them or that she hopes to be one day, when the truth is she just wants to hear her dear friend , the one ,when he has enough courage,_ _stays with her and listens to all her babbling or crying or when she is mad at the others and wants someone to just hear her ,somehow he is always there just_ _listening and nodding and occasionally giving her the encouraging or 'hang in there' shoulder squeeze while locking an eye contact with her and she always loves_ _this moments cause she gets a glimpse of what's hiding underneath all his shyness , his hazelnut eyes seer right through his soul to reflect all his kindness and the_ _care he has for all of them ,and maybe that's why he doesn't look her in the eye cause she can see right through them and that leaves him feeling exposed._
> 
>  
> 
> _They maybe the scientists here but that doesn't mean she can test some of her theories or even try experimenting them !_
> 
> _a good experiment starts with collecting as many data as one can , so she goes on asking the guys various questions about him in a way that doesn't lead to any_ _suspicion and she picks Leonard cause let's be real for a second he would take anything from her ! and not like she has any other choice than him .._
> 
>   
>  _Penny waits for the right moment and what more right moment than when only the two of them show up at the cheesecake factory , and this time she started_ _teasing raj intentionally though it wasn't fun at all seeing him got all worked up and flustered to the point that he spilled the juice all over himself and rushed to the_ _wash room ,"he won't be coming back anytime soon" she sighed loudly and sat down next to Leonard who looked at her in kind of a blaming look_
> 
>   
>  _"I didn't mean to , I was just trying to talk to him about his day" She said trying to look sad , 'maybe my acting lessons can have a good use right now' she said to_ _herself trying to look honestly sad_
> 
> _"I didn't say that you mean it Penny but you know how Raj is around women , you she be used to that by now "_
> 
> _"How am I supposed to be used to that when I barely know anything about the guy , Leonard I can literally count everything i know about raj using just one hand "_
> 
> _she said in an obvious hurting way , and she started to question her ability to act right now !_
> 
>  
> 
> _"What is there to know ?! the guy is an open book " Leonard said in his high pitched way and she realized his jealousy right away and she had to stop herself from_ _banging her head against the table_
> 
>   
>  _They sat in silence till Raj came back looking ashamed and couldn't find the courage to look at any of them_
> 
>   
>  _"oh sweetie , I didn't mean it, i'm so sorry" Penny said squeezing his hand in hers noticing how shaky he was_
> 
> _and all he managed to do with nodding a little and gave her a sheepish smile , few minutes later she found an excuse to leave them saying that she had work to_ _finish but none of them could see that her eyes were starting to shine with tears_
> 
>  
> 
> _At that moment Penny hated herself for putting her friends in such a situation when she managed to hurt both of them , she know how much Leonard is in love with_ _her and giving him the idea that she might be interested in someone else and that someone is Raj was cruel as it is , and the way Raj behaved is all her fault she_ _pushed him to that point by all her questions and persistent on him to answer , it must have looked like she was enjoying to play with him like that , and she just_ _thought of this terrible idea of her actions would drove him away for a while and she looks back at them she started to fear that coming true from the looks on their_ _faces and how Raj just almost ran from the place and Leonard going after him with a worried look on his face and Penny just just slumped on the nearest chair_ _going pale_  
>  _..._
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> _Leonard won't understand why did he run away ,nor would any of them ! he wasn't that weak or pathetic , he know how much can his condition cripple him to the_ _point he started to hate himself but this wasn't the case this time , he is used to women teasing him about it but not Penny ! he never expected her to be just like_ _the rest of them , after all she is his friend right ? so how could she do this to him..._
> 
>  
> 
> _He was brought back to reality by a hand gripping his wrest to stop him from walking any further "what the hell Raj I've called your name so many times that I lost_ _count "Leonard stops to take his breath" You're walking so fast , are you trying to give me an asthma attack for god sake ?!" He yelled at him but Raj can see clearly_ _that he is worried about him and that make him crack a little smile appreciating having him as a friend_
> 
>  
> 
> _"Yeah,yeah I care about you ..you idiot ,what do you think " leonard said patting his shoulder but Raj flinches moving away_
> 
> _"What is it ? I can call Howard for you if you don't want to talk to me about what is bothering you ?" He said in worried voice taking his phone out ready to dial_ _Howard's number_
> 
> _"No don't , it is not something any of you would understand " Raj said looking away_
> 
> _"No, I'm not going away till you tell me what's the matter with you ? is it about what happened back there with penny ? raj, it is not the first time this happened and i've_ _never seen you like this!"_
> 
> _"I thought she was my friend okay" Raj yelled but his voice came out broken ,he covered his face taking deep breaths_
> 
> _and Leonard realized how hurt his friend was,everyone knows Raj is a sensitive guy anything can affect him but only them know the difference between being just the drama queen he is and being really hurt , he moved closer to him putting a hand around his shoulder and Raj leaned to it_
> 
> _" I thought I mean something to her , and I feel stupid so stupid cause I let myself believe that someone like her could be friends with someone like me , I should've_ _known better, hey let's tease him till he break down, yeah that sounds fun " Raj broke down in tears in a way Leonard has never seen from him before and he just_ _hold him closer burying his face in his shoulder stroking his hair and raj kept on crying and talking but all that made sense of his muffled talk was "I was a game for_ _her Leonard "_
> 
> _And Leonard's brain stopped working ,despite all their teasing and talking Raj was a tough guy and held his pride high , he never cry 'like really cry' in front of any of_ _them and that realization made him thinking , is this the first time Raj broke down like this ? and he imagined Raj alone in his home like this , and Leonard knew he_ _has to talk to the guys about it_
> 
> _Although Raj has calmed down a while ago except for some sniffling and shaking neither of them moved apart, it was that strange fear of Raj would fall to pieces_ _the moment he is alone that stopped Leonard from leaving him_
> 
>   
>  _"Leonard"_
> 
> _"yes buddy "_
> 
> _"Can you drive me home? I don't think I can " his voice was so little and broken that Leonard wanted to punch something_
> 
> _"No, you're coming with me, I'm not leaving you "Leonard said holding him tightly as if he was afraid he would just run away as they walked slowly..._
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  _When penny arrived home she stopped by their apartment and for the first time all she heard was the complete silence and she knew things won't be the same .._


	2. Chapter 2

_Leonard was just glad to be out of the car ,he never thought that being stuck in a car with Raj can be worse than being stuck in a car with Sheldon ,honestly he would gladly do it, at least he won't be left with this dead silence and seeing your friend hurting and not being able to do anything for him ,so yeah he would trade being stuck with Sheldon for eternity listening to him talking non stop if it mean that Raj would be Raj again the funny, chatty always smiling Raj not this one who barely said a word since they left only "Take me home,Leonard" and Leonard just felt cold.._

_"Home at last' Leonard sighed turning the light on and turned to face Raj who was staring at the ground fidgeting like he wants to say something but didn't build the courage to say it yet .._

_"buddy, are you okay" Leonard asked walking a little closer to him_

_"I know that't not how you planned to spend your evening ,stuck with me instead of ..penny"  Raj said looking away_

_"Eh,don't worry,it's not like I had a chance"_

_"I'm sorry" raj  mumbled_

_"What!?"_

_"I'm sorry that you had to put up with all my nonsense, that I laid everything out on you"_

_"Slow down now ,Raj you don't need to apologize for anything"_

_"I'm sorry that you have to put up with me "_ _Raj blurted out crying ,can't even look Leonard in the eye_

_"Stop apologizing dammit "Leonard shouted at him , "How could you even say that? you're my friend"_

_"Go home leonard ,it's getting late" Raj said quietly walking away_

_"No, i'm not going anywhere" leonard said loudly grabbing him from the wrest before he runs to his room_

_"I don't need you to babysit me, I'll be okay ,I just need some time by myself to think and figure out stuff, you don't need to worry about me"_

_"Shut up , just shut up for a second and listen to me ,first of all , never apologize for letting your feelings out , and never apologize for sharing them with me , is that clear ?"Leonard said trying to stay calm "Raj , I need an answer, Is That Clear?"_

_"Y..yes"_

> _"Good, now you need to understand something clearly, I'm not going anywhere that's not something you have a say in it , and Of Course i'm worried about you ,Raj in all the years I've known you I only saw you like this two or three times tops,and every time something terrible had just happened to you , so don't lie to me and say that you're fine or nonsense like that you will be fine on your own"_
> 
> _"But what about Sheldon ?, you can't just spend the night here ,you know him ,he would think you had an accident or something" Raj asked worried_
> 
> _"I'll send him a text , you don't worry about that,Sheldon can spend the night alone " Leonard said walking raj to the sofa and then went to get them some water_
> 
> _"Leonard,are you hearing yourself?" Raj scoffed_
> 
> _"Yeah okay, but penny is next door so no problem"_
> 
> _"Right,yeah penny...It's getting late don't you think?"_
> 
> _"Raj I.."_
> 
> _"I'll prepare the other room for you and i think I've some clothes that will fit you"raj said walking away fast and Leonard just sighed burying his face in his hands_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Sheldon was working on his board when he heard knocking on the door , he huffed in annoyance and put his pen down , it was Howard_
> 
> _"Hey Sheldon ,is Raj here ?"_
> 
> _"Why would Raj be here ?"_
> 
> _"He was supposed to come to my place after his date with Leonard ,it's our "Halo' night " Howard said sitting down going through something on his phone and then he looked up to Sheldon saying"he didn't even return my calls or texted me back"_
> 
> _"Don't be absurd ,they're not on a date ,Leonard just needed someone to go with him so he could see Penny and try to impress her" Sheldon said waving his hand going back to his board_
> 
> _"Sheldon, do you know what time is it ? they should've been here hours ago"_
> 
> _"Oh dear, I'm way past my bed time, how did this even happen"_
> 
> _"Sheldon , focus for god sake, can't you think of anything?"_
> 
> _"I don't know, maybe they got lucky"_
> 
> _"The only way that both of them got lucky at the same night is if they got lucky together"_
> 
> _"I highly doubt it , Leonard never showed any signs of attraction to members of the same sex and as for Raj despite his questionable behavior sometimes, he definitely prefer women, though putting in mind his inability to talk to them ,making it a quite logical solution"_
> 
> _"I was just kidding , you know don't bother" Howard said walking out_
> 
> _"Hey  wait, where are you going?" Sheldon went after him_
> 
> _"I'm going to ask penny" Howard said knocking on her door_
> 
> _"Guys, isn't it a little bit late for that?" Penny said_
> 
> _"We're sorry Penny ,but Raj and Leonard didn't come home and honestly we're starting to worry "_
> 
> _"I'm not" Sheldon said_
> 
> _"Have you tried to call them ?they left early ,they only stayed for an hour I think or maybe less"Penny said starting to get worried herself_
> 
> _"I called and texted Raj but nothing at all"_
> 
> _"Sheldon,have you checked your phone?" penny asked quickly_
> 
> _"No,why?"_
> 
> _"maybe he sent you a text ,of course" Howard said walking Sheldon back to their apartment to get his phone and Penny followed them afraid of what might happen next_
> 
> _***** **s** **omething came up ,spending the night at Raj's, explain later***   _
> 
> _"What's that supposed to mean ?"Howard asked perplexed_
> 
> _"Penny,you were the last one to see them,did anything happen that might lead to Leonard spending the night at Raj's ,and if I may explain further have something for example 'bad' happened to Raj?" Sheldon asked quietly_
> 
> _"bad? why would you think that something happened to Raj?" Howard yelled worried_
> 
> _"Because it would explain the importance of the physical presence of Leonard there , to give what you call emotional support , it's like when I offer you hot beverage and ask if you want to talk about it when someone is sad "_
> 
> _"You're right ! but why didn't they come to here like always unless,Penny you're awfully quiet ,are you hiding something from us ? is Raj okay? was there an accident or something ?"_
> 
> _"No ,there was no accident I swear, but I think I've made a terrible mistake "_
> 
> _"Penny ,what did you do ?"_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _"Your room is ready and I put the clothes on your bed ,if something is missing just call me ,I'll be in the next room "Raj said walking to his room_
> 
> _"Raj wait"_
> 
> _"Yes!"_
> 
> _"Why me ?"_
> 
> _"What ?"Raj asked confused and walked back to him_
> 
> _"I mean why me not Howard ? he is your best friend so why didn't you want him here instead of me ?"_
> 
> _"Because he won't get it ,you know how howard could be ,he would just make fun of me ,for him I'd be just dramatic or exaggerating the situation ,he would tell me it's not a big deal and to walk it off , he may even say that this was her way of showing interest in me ,don't get me wrong .I don't mean that Howard is a bad a guy ,the dude is my best friend , but I just know him a little too well "_
> 
> _"And me.."_
> 
> _"Well when your first best friend is kinda douche in these situations one tend to turn to his second best friend ,right?" Raj shrugged and walked away "and don't think I don't know what are you doing ?"_
> 
> _"And ? Is it working ?"_
> 
> _"I guess so , thanks Leonard"  Raj turned smiling at him a little_
> 
> _"You know it buddy"_


	3. Chapter 3

_"You Did What?!"Howard yelled at her,almost jumping out of his seat_

_"I was just trying to make him talk to me,it's not that big of a deal"Penny huffed rubbing her face tiredly ,it's been A long night_

_"May I say that Raj's behavior was quite strange,it's not like that was the first time a woman tries to tease him, even you Howard ,I don't understand your anger,usually you are the first one to make jokes about it" Sheldon said_

_"yeah,but this time is different"_

_"How is it different exactly?" Penny asked_

_"You won't understand" Howard mumbled looking away_

_"No,no, please do tell' Penny said determined to understand what is this really about_

_"I always make fun of it to ease things up"_

_"okay, I got that, sorta, but why was this time different?"_

_"It's different cause he always expects that from strangers but you're his friend  or at least that's what he thought "Howard scoffed_

_"Howard, I think if you were there ,you would have made fun of him " Sheldon said walking to the fridge to get some water_

_"Yeah, I think none of us is the good friend they pretend to be or in Penny's case a friend at all"_

_"But i'm his friend ! why did you think I tried to talk to him in the first place ?" Penny yelled at him_

_"To play one of your games at him ? or maybe you had a bet with one of your friends , I dunno you pick"_

_"You really think that low of me ? I'm not a bully for god sake"_

_"Not according to your school mates" Sheldon scoffed_

_"That is different , Raj is my friend and I love him enough to not cause him any sort of pain"_

_"Then why did you do it ?"_

_"Because I got tired of him not talking to me , got tired of always being the reason he stop talking whenever I walk into the room , I just want to hear his voice , to hear him laugh in front of me not listening to it from behind the door ,you don't get what'is it like ,how could you ! " Penny blurted at him with tears gathering in her eyes_

_"Actually I know.." Howard said sitting next to her_

_"What do you mean ?"_

_"You forgot I was his friend before all of them, basically I was the first one he ever talked to, you think that Raj is a mess now ? you didn't see him back then , the guy didn't talk to anyone At all , forget women he couldn't even talk to me , it wasn't easy for him and it'll never be easy, people always assuming that he is ignoring them or simply doesn't want to talk to them eventually he was left alone no one wanted to talk to him ,they didn't look up for an explanation and he wasn't able to give them one,but this didn't stop me from trying to befriend him, I knew what it's like to be the outsider so when I saw him at that party I knew this was my chance ,he was standing in front of the buffet for a really long time ,so I approached him and recommended that he try that one better, he almost chocked on his food ,he later told me he was surprised that I wanted to talk to him and he thought that something was wrong with me, he was a great listener I could go on talking for hours and he would just listen to every word of it,and he actually found my jokes funny,till this point he still didn't say a word to me to be honest I thought he was mute till one day I walked in him talking  on the phone, when he realized I was there he ended the call quickly and left the place,this night he sent me an Email explaining everything,he told me about his selective mutism and how it got worse since he came here ,at fist it was Women only but since he moved to here he can't even begin to describe it, leaving his family and coming to another country it was like coming to a whole new world , he didn't know anyone or anything at all, and it was the first time he was alone "_

_"But he went to Cambridge before he came here!" Sheldon said_

_"Prya was there , she joined him at his second year ,that year he spent most of it in the library or in his room studying ,then when prya came ,they moved together and things became easier for him,he knew that his parents were behind this idea,they knew she was the closest one to him "_

_"Umm who is Prya?"_

_"I thought his parents were oblivious about his condition ?" Sheldon asked completely ignoring her_

_"They're but that doesn't mean they can't be overprotective of him especially his mother it's bad enough for her that he left "_

_"They don't know ? " Penny asked surprised "How is this even possible?!"_

_"He is quite normal with them and the fact that he can speak to women in his family without any problems  doesn't actually help in prove any point"_

_"For them he is just 'a little shy' and that't it" Sheldon scoffed_

_"It's not like he told them either,hell he didn't even know that he has selective mutism till one of his professors in Cambridge pointed it out "_

_"Prya knew" Sheldon said_

_"Well yeah of course she knew ,if she didn't who else would ?he can call her his baby sister as much as he wants but she is the adult one ,taking care of him all their years together till college"_

_"Especially in college" Sheldon said nodding in agreement_

_"Wow how they didn't even doubt a thing? moving on,,So Prya is younger than Raj and the closest one to him ,how many are there actually ? "_

_"Five including prya"_

_"Three brothers and two sisters , he is the fourth younger"Sheldon explained_

_"How do you know that?" Howard asked surprised_

_"I have an eidetic memory, besides Raj is my friend of course I know that"_

_"ughh" Penny buried her face grumbling_

_"Uh oh" Howard stepped back slowly , just realizing the issue Penny was talking about_

_"Penny are you okay? I don't see why could you be upset ?"_

_"Not now Sheldon"_

_"But Howard,penny is clearly upset"_

_"Oh for god sake, she is upset yes but why are you trying to make her more upset" Howard grabbed him and walked away "Can't you see? she is upset because even you know more about Raj than her, you Sheldon" Howard whispered_

_"Don't be silly of course I know more than her,I knew him for a much longer time and like I said I've an eidetic memory "_

_"Still,I'm a bad friend who hurt him a lot" penny mumbled_

_"Penny you're not a bad friend you just tried to know him by the worst way ever that's all" Sheldon said and Howard just nodded his head_

_"If you want we can help you" Howard said_

_"We would?" Sheldon exclaimed and Howard nudged him" uhh we would"_

_"Thanks guys" Penny said relieved_

_"You're very welcome my lady" Howard said bowing in his silly way_

_"Why are you so eager to know about Raj ?! in fact I find him quite annoying" Sheldon said_

_"He does talk a lot ,sometimes I don't know who is worst him or Sheldon?" Howard snorted_

_"That bad huh?"_

_"You saw Sheldon arguing and you think that that's it nothing can beat that right?"_

_"Of course"_

_"Then wait till you see them both arguing with each other, that's my dear Penny is Hell"  Howard said in dramatic way_

_"Hey,I'm a delight to have, Raj is the annoying one"_

_"Yes you're sweetie" Penny smirked_

_"And he used to have a crush on you"_

_"Everyone used to have crush one me except for Sheldon in fact you still have Howard"_

_"Well he is a mean guy" Howard said embarrassed_

_"You know he is not"_

_"Well yeah he is not,but he is not that sweet also, what do you think all that whispering is about huh"_

_"Oh believe me I know"_

_"Howard,why are you trying to make Raj look bad in front of her I don't understand why are you talking like that about your best friend ?" Sheldon wondered_

_"Isn't it obvious Sheldon, he is jealous and I think a little threatened by me" Penny said trying to stay serious_

_"I'm not ! Why would I be?" Howard said in a high pitched voice_

_"Relax I'm not stealing your best friend you silly" Penny couldn't stop herself from laughing anymore_

_"I don't know what are you talking about?" Howard stuttered pretending to be busy checking his texts_

_"That's true,Howard always finds it necessary to point out that Raj is his best friend , despite the way he always treats him by"_

_"You bet I'll will,he is my best friend just like Leonard is yours and What way is that?"_

_"Oh you know making fun of him all the time,using some annoying racist expressions and doubting him, to be honest the first thing I always wanted to ask him is why is he putting up with you ,what's in it for him ?" Penny said_

_"We're used to each other like that and if he ever had a problem with that he would've told me , how the hell it ended with me the bad guy here"_

_"Oh come on you know what we meant by that, we're just helping each other out"_

_"Pointing out the negative point in a relationship does help make it better by figuring a solution for it"_

_"See? even Sheldon knows it ,listen to me Howard we all know how a great friend you are to Raj but that doesn't mean you're perfect ,no body is, and by knowing your weak spots you can be better, don't you think Raj deserves that from you? no one loves to be taken for granted sweetie" Penny said_

_"Howard do you remember how it was ? what Raj was to you?"_

_"someone I could always be myself with, someone who is always there for me ,someone who always found me cool and funny, the only one I could be alone with.."_

_"You could be lonely together" Sheldon added_

_"You remembered" Howard said both surprised and happy_

_"I remember everything"_

_"Yeah,I don't" Penny raised her hand_

_"Soon after I became friends with Raj,we realized we had so much in common and we were both lonely so we decided to be lonely together.it was like an agreement you know"_

_"Or a Promise :To be lonely together"_

_"Always"_


End file.
